Monday, August 15, 2005

Nothing to say

Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I had nothing to write. I thought and thought and thought...and nothing. As with everything else along this path, I have no idea if this is a good or bad thing.

Last night we watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

Here is the bio of the family that was profiled...

What started out one night as a beautiful, picture perfect summer evening for Colleen Nick and her children quickly spiraled into a horrible tragedy that would haunt the family and their community forever. Colleen and the kids had traveled to Alma, Arkansas, to watch their friend's son play in a little league game at a brand new ballpark. Several innings into the game, six-year-old Morgan was bored and asked her mom if she could join her friends in catching fireflies. Colleen remembered thinking how happy Morgan looked to be set free. That's the last memory she has of her eldest daughter; Morgan suddenly vanished. A massive manhunt got underway quickly, as this parent's worst nightmare came true.

At the time, the Nick family was living 30 minutes away from Alma. When law enforcement officials advised Colleen to stay near the abduction site, she ended up first living out of a fire station and then, later, bought the only house in Alma that she could afford - going to all lengths to be near the last tangible trace of Morgan. Unfortunately, it's now ten years later and Morgan has yet to be found, though the investigation is still open. Despite all of Colleen's best efforts, the police still don't know what happened to Morgan Nick that summer evening at the little league field in Alma.

Colleen hasn't let the search for her oldest daughter destroy her. Instead it has inspired her to prevent this terrible tragedy from befalling other parents and their innocent children. She started the Morgan Nick Foundation (MNF), which works tirelessly with law enforcement officials and parents to provide education designed to prevent abduction. Colleen is committed to making sure that other families don't have to wait ten years (or more) for answers, and was instrumental in the Arkansas State Legislature's passage of the Morgan Nick Amber Alert Program.

While the Nicks' spirit and hopes of finding Morgan have not been dashed, any improvements to their dilapidated house have been. Their three-bedroom, 1512-square-foot ranch style home was recently flooded due to the explosion of their old water heater, resulting in all of the floors having to be ripped out. It's been tough; Colleen devotes all of her time and energy to her remaining children, Logan (13) and Taryn (11), and to helping several thousand others nationwide.

While the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition design team, contractors and hundreds of workers and volunteers are transforming the Nicks' house into a dream home that will hopefully ease their burden and comfort them in their difficult journey, the family will go on vacation to Walt Disney World.

I can't imagine waiting ten years for answers. I can't imagine actually "losing" your child and not knowing what happened to them. Alex died...I know where he is and what he's doing. I'm sad about that. But to just not know...that has to be torture on your soul.

While watching the show, I cried for this woman and her missing daughter. I cried for the rest of the family who so obviously believe that they will one day see Morgan again. And I said to Steve as I was crying, "At least I'm not dead inside." For the first time in three months, I could cry for someone else. There were many moments over the past three months where I wondered if I was just too damaged to ever recover. But I could cry for this woman and her family.

The phrase that Colleen Nick uses is, "Love always hopes." I like that. THAT is something to say.


Jill said...

Wow, what a story. I thought the EXACT same thing as you the other day when S ran away - the not knowing which way she went or what might have happened. They were the most harrowing 5 minutes of my life and I was grateful not to be like that woman, living that way for a lifetime. And yet she isn't paralysed with grief and bitterness. What an incredible human being.

As for you, there have been too many moments of humour and kindness to ever think you were so damaged you could never recover. I know you feel that way - understandably - but you truly have a spark that could so easily have been extinguished, but it is still there:)

MB said...

I watched it last night too. I bawled like a baby. It was very touching and I thought the same thing about living for years after not knowing what happened.


Julie said...

I cried through the whole show too. I just can't imagine not knowing. I know Caleb died, and it breaks my heart that he isn't here. At the same time though, I know that no one is hurting him or torturing him. I know that he is safe, and that he only knew love. I can live with that. I don't want to, but I can.

Lisa P. said...

Wow, what a story. It's amazing that this woman should use that saying, because it sounds like part of I Corinthians 13: "Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes - Love never fails." I can't imagine going through what she has and still feeling that way.

You are recovering. It will never go away, but you will become stronger. ((((hugs))))

vixanne wigg said...

I saw that too. It was so sad. What a horrible, awful thing to experience. I mean,how can you give up, but then how can you go on with your life? I guess you can't.

Marlayna said...

I saw the end of that show. I bawled and only saw the end. I was glad to read what the story was about as I missed that part of the show. Just in the last 20 minutes that I saw I cried for the siblings (since I lost my sister) and how they never knew their sister but yet she was such a huge part of their family. Wouldn't it be amazing if some how some way Morgan was found as a result of that episode?

I somehow have talked to my kids about my sister so much that they feel like they knew her and I am so glad about that. It makes me so sad that they never got to know her.

buffi said...

Oh, golly, I watched that one, too. It tore me up. That family was so sweet and amazing!