Friday, July 15, 2005

I have to admit

I have to admit to being completely useless to most anyone and everyone. Since I found out I was pregnant with Alex, I'd been baby obsessed. Since Alex died, I've been grief obsessed. I get very little work done. I'm short-tempered with my husband and my son. I don't speak to friends or family, most notably my mom. I don't want to do any of the fun stuff I used to do.

The only two good things I can say about my immediate existence are (1) my house is benefitting because I clean when I'm upset; and (2) I am back doing some rescue business for shelter dogs.

Eventually, my boss, my husband, my son, and my mother are going to get pissed off at this attitude. I know that. But I can't seem to find the coping tools to shake it off. All the books I read and all the people I talk to say to "give it time." How much time is too much? If I'm getting impatient with myself, I can only imagine how the people I care about must be thinking about me.

No need to comment mom...I already know what you're going to say anyway. :o)

Happy Birthday Mom!
We love you!

2 comments:

Julie said...

I second your thoughts. I began this new job in April, not quite two months after losing Nick. I haven't shared my grief with anybody. Then I wonder why they aren't more understanding with my mood (depressed and slow). Don't they know what I'm going through? In my case, no, they don't. And I'm not sure how or if I should share it with them.
Your family and friends love you; and they'll be patient. Or else. :-P

gabesmama said...

Catherine, totally recommend that you see The Station Agent. A mom lost her son in the movie but she has this great line where she say's that she just likes silence because bascially there are no words that will help.