Tuesday, July 19, 2005

I don't know how you do it

I don't know either.

Sometimes we're handed cards that we'd rather not ever play. But you know what? We have no choice. What should we do instead? Curl up in a ball and sob? Hide in a closet and ignore the rest of the world? Retreat into some sad and pathetic shell where we no longer have to deal with feeling anything?

We miss our son. And we are immeasurably sad that he isn't alive and with us. But we did not die with him. We are alive.

So we trudge forward, one step at a time. I don't know how we do it. There are moments when we feel like we just might not be able to take one more step. But then we remember all the things we can still do because we're alive. And we recognize that by doing those things, we are not squandering the gift of life that was given to US. We are honoring our son's memory by remembering him and continuing on toward whatever the future may hold for us. And we know that whatever gets thrown our way, we can handle it...because we have been through the worst together. There would be no honor in letting our grief and sadness destroy us.

So maybe we do it out of a sense of obligation. Or maybe we do it because we love one another and recognize that love and happiness are a blessing. Or maybe we do it because it's innate human nature to carry forward after a tragedy.

I don't know how we do it.

We just do.

I love you Steve.

3 comments:

Steve said...

I love you too :)

Marlayna said...

Awwwww Kate. You are sweet.

When I lost my sister I felt like I had this little extra help (I presume God helped me through it). You do, you just do it.

BIG HUG for you Kate!

Anam Cara said...

This was beautiful catherine, perfectly said. But I agree, I don't know how we do it. Some days are easier than others, but many days are just hell. Even the easier days still require much effort and energy since the reminders of what we lost to us are everywhere. Thinking of you and sending big ((hugs)).