It's obvious I don't plan what I'm going to say when I blog, since my posts are often rambling and pretty much pointless. But when out in the world, I would often spend a lot of prep time before a conversation, planning what I was going to say. I felt the need to psyche myself up for emails, telephone conversations, AND face to face encounters. I imagined possible reactions and tried to come up with what I would say in response.
Perhaps it was part of my need to feel some sort of control over things, I really don't know. I know I have some conversations now that I just don't want to be surprised and start to cry...so I'm motivated to desensitize myself ahead of time. But it's really been a relief to not really care, and just go with the flow, so to speak. I've been pleasantly surprised to find that nothing dire happens if you don't have the right words at any given moment. And sometimes the best thing you can do is to feel the moment and react honestly. Of course, that means more long and rambling posts for this blog. I hope you'll survive my creative chaos.