I could have taken another job and been making more money. But I would have had to move out to the middle of cow-country (no, where I live is nowhere close to cow country...this is merely rural...that place was no-neighbors-for-miles-rural). So I declined the second interview for the position because I needed to "put my family first." I sent the Prosecutor a nice letter thanking him for the opportunity, but explaining how I needed to avoid all that upheaval at the time. How's that for irony?
I wanted to maintain some stability for my husband and my son, and I wanted to keep my house and remain near my family. It wasn't easy to decide, and it was even harder to admit. It somehow sounded lame or weak to admit that my career came second to my family.
I'm REALLY glad I made that decision now. It's definitely not the stability or the plan I had in mind back then. But I can't imagine being in a new place, with new people and a new job, while mourning the loss of my baby boy. And while I'm currently in an emotional state where I do best communicating by IM, email and fax, I'm glad that the opportunity for one-on-one conversations with family and friends is there when I need it. There is nothing quite as comforting as knowing a hug from someone who loves you is only a few minutes away. Somehow, I doubt the thought of hugging those cows would have provided quite the same feeling.
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3 comments:
Now I want a bumper sticker that says, "feeling bad, hug a cow."
Oh well, you probably used to how my mind works (or doesn't).
For what it is worth, I'm glad you chose to stay here.
Love ya,
Holley
catherine, it's funny what you said about your emotional state and wanting to communicate electronically. when hans died, i did not want to talk to anyone on the phone. i was bowled over by justin's ability to get on the phone and break the news to everyone. i couldn't have done it.
i'm very close to my mom's youngest sister, who is long distance from me, and i tried to talk to her when she called, but i couldn't do it. my boss told us (in a voice mail, because i didn't pick up the phone) that a number of people at work had asked for my number; i replied to him by e-mail and asked him to give my e-mail address to people.
i was fine with seeing people in person and visiting - but the phone was out of the question. my mom answered our phone for the three weeks she was here, except for the one time justin picked up and it was a telemarketer trying to solicit support for a "family" organization trying to get movies and tv censored; boy did he call the wrong house. you should have heard justin cuss him out.
even now, i don't pick up the phone, at home or at work, unless i know who it is and want to talk to them.
I bet cows need hugs too.
Glad you stayed where you can feel a little better.
And I agree with the notion that electronic communication sometimes is better than 'live'; I still avoid calls and such because I prefer to think before I speak. You also get a few less stupid comments that way. Sometimes.
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