I could have taken another job and been making more money. But I would have had to move out to the middle of cow-country (no, where I live is nowhere close to cow country...this is merely rural...that place was no-neighbors-for-miles-rural). So I declined the second interview for the position because I needed to "put my family first." I sent the Prosecutor a nice letter thanking him for the opportunity, but explaining how I needed to avoid all that upheaval at the time. How's that for irony?
I wanted to maintain some stability for my husband and my son, and I wanted to keep my house and remain near my family. It wasn't easy to decide, and it was even harder to admit. It somehow sounded lame or weak to admit that my career came second to my family.
I'm REALLY glad I made that decision now. It's definitely not the stability or the plan I had in mind back then. But I can't imagine being in a new place, with new people and a new job, while mourning the loss of my baby boy. And while I'm currently in an emotional state where I do best communicating by IM, email and fax, I'm glad that the opportunity for one-on-one conversations with family and friends is there when I need it. There is nothing quite as comforting as knowing a hug from someone who loves you is only a few minutes away. Somehow, I doubt the thought of hugging those cows would have provided quite the same feeling.