The run-up to April and May is beginning and I can feel the pressure starting to build. I'm having an un-explainable reaction to a friend's daughter telling her school class about her baby brother who died.
I remember when Sam told his preschool class about his brother, Alex, who died. And now we've added two more names to the death roll and I know I would never approve of his sharing all of that grief with anyone outside of our family. I'll never get a stamp of approval from another teacher...or anyone else, for that matter...because one dead baby is sad...three is just too much.
I know it's not a competition...and that's not what this is that I'm feeling. It's more of a sadness realizing (again) the judgment overshadows the sadness when you are talking about multiple losses. One dead baby is something to be sad about...something someone can handle "just right." Three dead babies are foolishness defined. She should have stopped at one...THEN I could have felt sorry for her/them.
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One dead baby is something to be sad about...something someone can handle "just right." Three dead babies are foolishness defined.
Amen.
I feel guilty whenever I am forced to unload the two dead ones on someone. To a guy who was fitting me for shoes last spring, he asked about my "other children" and I only admitted to having one who died. I picked the one who died more recently (Zachary). Seemed too much to go back even further to the whole other son who died. He could get the picture of destruction from just the one. He might have moved into a nervous state, might have backed off scared, if I'd gone on.
It's hard to always be the one who owns the "too much", isn't it?
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