Sunday, August 01, 2010

20 years

This weekend was my 20th high school reunion.

I did not attend.

Reunions are all about recounting your journey...sharing what has happened in your separate lives while you've been apart. And for the life of me, I just couldn't imagine how I would tell my story. There were several particularly awful nightmares as a result of even trying to come up with some acceptable way of sharing. Of course, there was the option of NOT sharing at all...but that seemed equally awful as it denied my own truths. Not to mention that I blabbed all over Facebook about how I probably wouldn't be at the reunion because I was planning to have a newborn baby by now. Yeah. That's a little difficult to live down in front of people you haven't seen in twenty years.

No, I didn't feel like struggling to find a balance that would allow me to be there. Not yet. There are still some things that are a little too fresh.

So I hid.

Maybe I'll sort it all out by my 30th reunion.


ms. G said...

Catherine, you are actually touching on something that is very difficult for me. I was thinking of this in terms of making new friends the other day. I don't want to talk about it, recount it, can you know me/be my friend if I don't?

Hugs to you, none of this crap is easy, is it?

msfitzita said...

I am a big proponent of hiding until it feels right not to. Too many people (and by that I mean grieving people) push themselves beyond what they probably should do in an effort to please someone else or act "normal".

I'm glad you hid.

And yeah, I still struggle with disclosure and all the mental energy that task involves.