Thursday, June 17, 2010

It is still there

I see the dragonfly in the instant just before it thuds into my windshield. I have enough time to think, "Maybe I should slow down and give it a chance." But I don't slow down.

I sing along with the radio...the song that reminds me of Little Bug. And just then I see four crows standing together in the grass by the road. I yell at them, "No! Fuck you! No!"

The pregnant lady sits at the playground during the Little League picnic. I forget the sunscreen and get burned. She's not a team mother...why won't she just go away?!?!

Might have been.

My cat dies.
My dog dies.

Should have been.

I do feel a need to apologize to some. I should be better at this and not say the same things over and over again. They have listened to so much, I should give them a break.

Should. Do. Don't. It all makes me want to scream.

But that won't change a thing.

It's still there.
And I wonder (again) about my sanity.


Shanna said...

You are no crazier then the rest of us, which after all you have been through is completely and utterly amazing. Especially since you are much saner then I am, of course that really isn't saying much now is it?
Do I need to send you some suncreen or do you need the special after burn lotion now? Hugs and love to you all.

kate said...

I think you have to say the same thing over & over would be crazy not to. I'm here reading even though i haven't anything helpful to say in return.