Thursday, June 17, 2010

It is still there

I see the dragonfly in the instant just before it thuds into my windshield. I have enough time to think, "Maybe I should slow down and give it a chance." But I don't slow down.

I sing along with the radio...the song that reminds me of Little Bug. And just then I see four crows standing together in the grass by the road. I yell at them, "No! Fuck you! No!"

The pregnant lady sits at the playground during the Little League picnic. I forget the sunscreen and get burned. She's not a team mother...why won't she just go away?!?!

Might have been.

My cat dies.
My dog dies.

Should have been.

I do feel a need to apologize to some. I should be better at this and not say the same things over and over again. They have listened to so much, I should give them a break.

Should. Do. Don't. It all makes me want to scream.

But that won't change a thing.

It's still there.
And I wonder (again) about my sanity.

2 comments:

Shanna said...

You are no crazier then the rest of us, which after all you have been through is completely and utterly amazing. Especially since you are much saner then I am, of course that really isn't saying much now is it?
Do I need to send you some suncreen or do you need the special after burn lotion now? Hugs and love to you all.

kate said...

I think you have to say the same thing over & over again...it would be crazy not to. I'm here reading even though i haven't anything helpful to say in return.