Sunday, January 03, 2010

well-meaning (new) friends

There is a whole group of people in my life right now who don't know about Alex or Travis or "before." And, more importantly, I'm trying really hard NOT to tell them because it's nice not having to see "the look" from any of them. But then I get a well-meaning email and I find it very hard to just "let it go."

I heard today that you are expecting a third angel. Your kids are dear. I also have 3, as did my mom and her mom 3 is magic. God has smiled on you. love kd

I'm not going to ask what I should do. But I will ask...what would you do? Let it slide? Say something?


Jillian said...

I don't know what I would do, honestly. But you have managed to rebuild a fragile existence where Alex and Travis aren't the centre of other people's perception of you and you are saying that it has made life a little easier.

I am thinking that if you felt that you were already on the right track with moving forward with your grief, that this pregnancy doesn't have to change that. It can, if that's what feels better, or it doesn't have to if *that's* what feels better. All that is a long way to say that being pregnant won't change the past and doesn't have to alter the path you're on with regards to telling new acquaintances about Alex and Travis. Do what your gut tells you to ((hugs))

Kathy McC said...

That's a tough one. My instinct says let it go. Don't even go there with this person. She is well meaning and since she has no idea, it's understandable what she wrote.

It stings when we have to read into surface good thoughts from people. And it stings even worse when you feel like you have to debate whether to share such a huge part of your life with others.

It's been five years for me, and I have chosen to only bring my girls up with close new friends. I find that I can usually tell in my heart who will understand and who won't.

Like Jill said, go with your gut. But my gut would say, let it go.

Kellie said...

I'm not sure I'd say anything - It's almost easier to say nothing than deal with the rebound looks, questions and pity. Call it "survival" mode - you have enough on your plate without dealing with well meaning asshats.

niobe said...

I would ignore it (which is not to say that you should).

But can I say that I'm probably far too immersed in dead baby culture, because calling a baby an "angel" just freaks me right the f*ck out.

kate said...

uh, i would vomit, maybe?

What i would do depends on who wrote such an email. If it was someone i would see in any serious capacity, i would say something just because i think otherwise i would be really awkward when we met. If it was someone i would maybe only see occasionally again, i would ignore it. I got a seriously scary angel-baby card from someone once & i ignored it (except for blogging about it), but mostly because she was just someone i had volunteered with a few times & i doubted i would really see her again. Which was in fact the case.

Julia said...

The angel baby thing totally gets me. And for that reason if no other, I would probably end up saying something. I think I would probably say something about how my children are no angels, even if I didn't go any further.

Elise said...

You know this woman didn't write you to be malicious.
She was just trying to offer you congratulations.

I would let it go.