Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Money Money Money

I forgot to pay a couple bills.
One company wanted to charge me $14.95 to pay a credit card bill over the phone.
One company (that happens to be a client...how's that for irony?) threatened to turn off our water.
One company threatened to turn us over to collections...for $40.
One company DID turn us over to collections...for $60 (electric company bill I refuse to pay).
The eye doctor wanted money for my new glasses.
The prescription insurance company wants their $20 for Sam's medication.
I just got notice that our insurance is going to cost more but provide less coverage.
The bank has raised our mortgage payment...twice...in the last six months.
We still owe the petsitter for a weekend job they did for us two months ago.
I owe my office manager $5 for the boss's day gift she got.
I owe the lady down the hall $2.

It's really all about money, isn't it?

Everyone I know is in this very large boat that feels like it could sink straight to the bottom at any moment. The cell phone contract would cost us $$$ to terminate. The TV contract would cost us $$$ to terminate. We can't stop paying for the water or the electric or the cars or the house. The government wants their money for the education they so-expensively provided me.

Underneath it all...I'm unhappy in my job. I don't dig ditches or anything that's really HARD work. I work my brain...sorting out legal squabbles...solving problems. I keep telling myself that the intangible benefits make it worth while. But then I pay bills and think how stupid I'm being. This just isn't what I want.

I could design crochet patterns. I could sew. I could do a zillion things in this world. My girlfriend is a photographer. I would LOVE to be a photographer. A wedding photographer, actually. I studied videography in college and, though it's not exactly the same, it provides a base of knowledge. And now that I know how my fancy camera works, I could really do it.

But...then there's the money...

Where do you find inspiration when you're getting older and you have responsibilities? Where do you find the courage to just go for it? How do you chuck self-doubt and try to make your dreams a reality? Or is there a point in life when it's just too late to even try? Is there an age when you just have to settle for what you've got?


Rosepetal said...

I'm sure it's never too late. But it's sure hard to find the get up and go.

In what you described you'd like to do it seems like you could take some small steps first before taking the plunge. Maybe you're already doing these, like build up a portfolio of crochet patterns and try and sell them to someone else or through a local shop. You could offer to be the free photographer at the next wedding you go to or start with some other small event.

of course these are very easy things to type from the comfort of my armchair where I sit unable to even finish a Beanie-sized sweater.... But I still think it's never too late.

Jillian said...

I guess in the US, health cover is the biggest sticking point. Would S's job provide for you if you quit you job?

I would see about second shooting some weddings. You get the experience, the mentoring and usually images for your portfolio. The better you get, then you start getting paid. And NONE of it, within reason, is your responsibility.

And no, it's never too late. You just have to figure out how to make it work :) Your current job has been making you crazy for a long time and it's not like you get any second chances. Once a day has passed, it's gone forever.

Good luck, Catherine :)

DD said...

I don't think it's too late for most. While I worry it's too late for me, I'm being forced to make a change but it's not into something I enjoy. I'm making my choice based on what's best for my family even though ultimately it's not what I want.

Aurelia said...

To be honest, all the lawyers I know make lots of money, sock it away, then quit and go do what they really want. Except for the in house ones, who are in it for easier family friendly hours, and pension and never get to quit.

Look, I don't know if you can make money doing photography or crochet. I see stuff on Etsy that makes lots of money, bet you could do that to start?

But you could also go practice a different kind of law, and make a heck of a lot more money, save it up and THEN quit. You have this great degree, and you are good at doing what you do. Why not just find a better, more lucrative place to do it in? There are so many different kinds of law and different kinds of businesses that hire lawyers, who knows?

And maybe you'll be happier too! It might not be law you are frustrated with, but your actual job.

kate said...

unlike everyone above, i do think there is a point where you can't really backtrack & start over. Because, you see, i know i can't and i won't, though i am not happy with what i am doing. However, i do not have the courage or motivation or drive to make massive changes...not to MENTION the money. Instead, i am staying where i am & seeing if i can make it work for me.

I think, if hubby made a TON of money & we could live on his salary alone, would i quit? And i don't think i would, even though most days i struggle at my job. Not only am i pretty lousy at being a SAHM, but also i don't think that would work for our marriage. YMMV, of course.

Hennifer said...

There is never an age. I believe that with all my heart.

The answer is always no if you don't try. I'm working on living my life more this way every year.
Money and other hurdles make it hard but so is going to work every day hating it, having it suck away your soul... and this hateful, souless person that comes home to be a wife, mother, friend, sister? Who benefits?

Just my 2 cents!

Bex said...

Of course you could. You really could start all over at any time; I truly believe that. But it would be the hardest thing you've ever done, and there's no guarantee of success. That's what keeps most people from doing it. You have a husband and children. It's not just about you, so I understand your reluctance to take such massive risk. But I think it's important, psychologically, to remember that you COULD, to not let yourself feel trapped. You do have options, and knowing that might just give you the extra motivation to make small changes with less risk instead of going for the big-ticket/big-risk ideas.

I'm sorry that you feel this way; I'm sorry it's such a common way to feel. I hope it gets better for you.