I forgot to pay a couple bills.
One company wanted to charge me $14.95 to pay a credit card bill over the phone.
One company (that happens to be a client...how's that for irony?) threatened to turn off our water.
One company threatened to turn us over to collections...for $40.
One company DID turn us over to collections...for $60 (electric company bill I refuse to pay).
The eye doctor wanted money for my new glasses.
The prescription insurance company wants their $20 for Sam's medication.
I just got notice that our insurance is going to cost more but provide less coverage.
The bank has raised our mortgage payment...twice...in the last six months.
We still owe the petsitter for a weekend job they did for us two months ago.
I owe my office manager $5 for the boss's day gift she got.
I owe the lady down the hall $2.
It's really all about money, isn't it?
Everyone I know is in this very large boat that feels like it could sink straight to the bottom at any moment. The cell phone contract would cost us $$$ to terminate. The TV contract would cost us $$$ to terminate. We can't stop paying for the water or the electric or the cars or the house. The government wants their money for the education they so-expensively provided me.
Underneath it all...I'm unhappy in my job. I don't dig ditches or anything that's really HARD work. I work my brain...sorting out legal squabbles...solving problems. I keep telling myself that the intangible benefits make it worth while. But then I pay bills and think how stupid I'm being. This just isn't what I want.
I could design crochet patterns. I could sew. I could do a zillion things in this world. My girlfriend is a photographer. I would LOVE to be a photographer. A wedding photographer, actually. I studied videography in college and, though it's not exactly the same, it provides a base of knowledge. And now that I know how my fancy camera works, I could really do it.
But...then there's the money...
Where do you find inspiration when you're getting older and you have responsibilities? Where do you find the courage to just go for it? How do you chuck self-doubt and try to make your dreams a reality? Or is there a point in life when it's just too late to even try? Is there an age when you just have to settle for what you've got?