Friday, February 06, 2009

He thought he'd call my bluff

Little did my six-year-old son know I had reached my absolute limit and I could turn into SuperBitch so easily (I honestly think I've been fighting my natural tendencies with him for way too long).

I said, "If you don't clean this up, I'm going to give these toys away to someone else who will take care of them and appreciate them."

And when he replied, "I don't care, give them away," I lost it. Really really lost it.

I threw everything that would fit into four trash bags. The bigger toys got carried downstairs to the staging area for re-homing.

And then I sat in the middle of the newly unearthed bedroom floor and cried.

What happened to my beautiful baby boy? my sweet and kind angel? It seems he's gone from happy little boy to sullen teenager in the blink of an eye. And he's only SIX!

I know a lot of this is my fault (yes, I still assign blame when things go horribly wrong). We overindulged him for several years as a way to mend our own broken hearts. Making him happy was as close to FEELING happy as we could get during those dark months. I think we were also trying to make it up to if we could compensate him for all our broken promises with a million hot wheels.

But it now seems he just didn't care...about any of it. Not the meaning behind the gifts...not the gifts themselves. It's probably expecting too much of him to think he would understand what it means to us...what we hoped it would mean to him. All I know is that I fear for what our lives are going to be like as he matures...and the thought of adolescence is absolutely terrifying to me at this moment.

Anybody know any little boys who need/want some toys? You name it, it's probably in here somewhere.


Holley said...

Hugs, and lots of them.

We have been going through this with Angie for over a year now. Closer to two really. It coincides with having a new sibling and/or starting formal education.

I also wondered what happened to my sweet girl and where I went wrong.

Then her teachers and administrators go on and on about what a sweet child she is and how wonderful she is. And then I'm sad because she seems to save all her sweet and kind nature for everyone else.

It is especially bad when I've had a hard day at work.

I'm hoping this is just a phase we will somehow get through--this it is all about me stage. I haven't found any answers yet.

Big hugs.

DD said...

Ahhh, yes. The threats that you can't logically follow through on. Been there. Mr. DD would say when XBoy was running slow, "if you don't hurry up, I'm leaving you here!"

He figured out what threats are real and what weren't.

I'm sorry he's hit a new stage that is nothing less than stressful, but yes, he's growing up and it's fun to have real conversations at that age.

Catherine said...

Oh no...I'm following through (this time). It breaks my heart but there is no other choice. Too much indulgence and too many empty threats have brought us here. If I don't rein it in now it will totally get away from us.

MB said...

OMG, I could have written that post. Only, in my pile, there are Barbies, assorted baby dolls and things that go with them, and horses...

Kathy McC said...

I also could have written this post. Try not to blame yourself for it...I think a lot of it has to do with their age. Aaron has been the same way lately and last night I practically threw dinner at him because I felt like he was so ungrateful.

I think sometimes we expect kids to think like adults, but they just aren't capable of it.

I think you're doing the right thing by following through. Breathe deeply and remember that you are not alone.


Aurelia said...

Been there with my oldest, honest to God, I understand how much you wanted to make up for everything, but the toys never did for us either.

Can I just say that it's not too late? I really do want you to follow through and make him see that he can't just run things in the house.

If you stick to it, and keep being consistent, he will be fine. At least mine is--now.

Hennifer said...

My son is now almost 8 and reading what you've written here, and in the past, makes me think it must just be an age thing. We're moving into harder territory, like learning the grayness of right/wrong, sarcasm, peer pressure, socializing, etc.

keep breathing...