Thursday, July 03, 2008

Miscellaneous thoughts

This past week has been tough. My uncle's cancer is back, this time at the base of the tongue and the tonsil. The thoughts of treatment options and possible outcomes are overwhelming for him and my aunt. They are never far from my thoughts as they face this.

And though my feelings are but a drop in the bucket comparatively speaking, I'm particularly angry because he and my aunt have already been through so much in the last few years. They took care of my grandparents in their home during their last years. This was supposed to be their time to good food...just enjoy life. Like so many other things in this life, it's just so so unfair.
I thought this was weird...until I read this.

Starting a piece of music inherently implies an intention to finish it. So starting a 639-year piece is, among other things, an extraordinary statement of human hope. it implies that we may still be here in 639 years, and that the intervening generations, with all their own changing concerns and values and ordeals, will nonetheless pick up the baton and run with the project we have begun. It is, in other words, a perfect metaphor for human life itself.
Sam and I were watching Danity Kane on Nashville Star the other night. Trina is sporting a new hairdo that is long on one side and cut into a short bob on the other. It looks good on her.

Building on our earlier conversation about when our schedules might allow me time to get my hair cut this week, I laughed and said, "Maybe I should get my hair cut like that."

Sam was all for the idea, even when I said, "But Sam, I'm no rock star."

"Mommy, go ahead and get your hair cut like that and I'll TEACH you how to be a rock star."
I took the advice to slow down given to me earlier this year and did not plant a garden at all. In fact, my three tomato plants from my dad are still in pots in my kitchen. I'm going to drop them in the ground this week and hope for a long summer so I might get one or two tomatoes.

I'm kind of wishing I had gone ahead with all my plans, despite the lack of quality time to spend in a garden. But I think I can overcome that self-disappointment by shopping at some farmer's markets this summer. Next year I vow to get a fabulous garden in. I'm already planning.
Got this email from one of the paralegals in my office...
Me and R have been talking and this whole Myles thing is not working out. So we have decided you either need to work something out where he comes in to see us once a week or we are going to go ask T (the boss) if we can work one day a week from home, YOUR home. *insert evil laugh here*
I recently made the acquaintence of a person who does wedding photography "on the side." He seemed nice enough, but after seeing a few of his pictures, I'm not overly impressed. This has the wheels turning in my brain. I studied videography, photography's not-to-distant cousin, in college. I enjoy taking photographs. I love wedding stuff. And even at a cheap cheap cheap rate, I think I could make it work (financially) on one booking a week. I wonder...

This may be another in a long line of hairbrained schemes...who knows.

I'm also applying for a job as the Animal Protective League's shelter director here in my county. I'm assuming there will not be enough money in it that it would be acceptable for my family's way of life (we are partial to eating regularly). But I'm workign with the philosophy that it can't hurt to try.
This is a great little bracelet.

I've been struggling this past few weeks with serious feelings of inadequacy. My home is filthy. I'm not particularly good at what I do for a living. And I dream...of things that seem out of my reach. I can feel the need for big changes. I'm just not sure how or where to make them.
I have been spending a lot of time working on MOM Project stuff. A lot of progress that I'm particularly proud of. Now if I could just find some uninterrupted time to make some bracelets.

ah...if wishes were pennies...
Happy Independence Day to my fellow Americans!


Julia said...

I am so sorry about your uncle.

Having just watched the photographer at my sister's wedding, I think wedding photography is exhausting, but can be a lot of fun.

Best of luck figuring out what and how you want to do next. Given the amount of time we spend working, it is really helpful when we also get to enjoy it. I have done it both ways, and would vote heartily for the "enjoy" way.

Bronwyn said...

That line about "struggling with feelings of inadequacy" really hit home with me. It's not to late for us to figure out what we want to be when we grow up! Good luck on your journey and keep us posted :)

Aurelia said...

Your home is NOT filthy silly. And I'm sure you are great at what you do for a living, you are just a little overwhelmed by two young kids and a big house.

Give yourself some time and you will adjust. And if you are that concerned with cleaning, then, hire a service to come in just once and have them go over your house like crazy. You will feel better and it will be pretty cheap.

kateandjona said...

I'm so sorry to learn about your uncle's illness. Hugs!

Yes, my house is getting a bit out of control lately too - life is just moving too fast right now for me to keep up.

Hang in there, my friend - it'll get better!