Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Break it down

There are no more complete sentences. My days happen in one continuous stream of consciousness that baffles me by the end of the day. And sick days...forget about it...complete and total insanity.

Headache.
Sick husband.
Whining five year old.
Screaming baby.
Feed baby.
Chicken noodle soup for the infirm.
Dishes.
Shower.
Screaming baby.
Feed baby.
Jello.
Shop.
Whining five year old.
Screaming baby.
Feed baby.
Lunch.
Whining five year old.
Jello.
Nap.
Screaming baby.
Feed baby.
Dinner.
Jello.
Screaming baby.
Whining five year old.
Feed baby.
Furniture.
Whining five year old.
Headache.

I feel like my legs have been run off and my one big accomplishment today was making jello jigglers for my son's kindergarten valentine's party tomorrow. Well...that...and not killing anyone.

I have come to the conclusion that the great thing about being a stay at home mom is that you ARE a stay at home mom. You can give yourself fully to the tasks like making jello jigglers for your son's kindergarten valentine party. You don't have to feel like you're stretched in a gazillion and one directions unless you choose to do so.

As a working mom I am realizing that there is just no way that anything can have my full undivided attention. It's just not possible. But I wonder if it's fair? I'm happy (save for the whining five year old whose mouth I'd like to duct tape shut). But I also feel guilty because I'm sure I'm not living up to my potential in any of the areas of my life. I had to ASK friends how to make the jello jigglers...I think that speaks volumes about my mom abilities. And work? ha! I have any number of clients who would be glad to tell you how crappy of a job I'm doing.

So how do I live with the happiness guilt-free? Yeah, I know I'm not good at all of this stuff...I'm ok with that. Exhausted and headache-y. But really ok.

1 comment:

Aurelia said...

You are doing a very very hard job, when frankly most women in the world are still recuperating from birth.

You cannot do it all at the same time. No one can. So maybe it's time to forgive yourself?

And give up on making things called jigglers? Personally, I don't know how and don't care to. I stay at home and I bought cupcakes for me today, and sent my kids to school with no treats!