Tuesday, February 05, 2008

The big fake

There is a 12-year-old inside of me screaming to get out. I see peeks of her when I'm in the middle of the grocery store, laughing with my five-year-old at the pooping noises of his little brother. I can hear her rattling around in this fat old body when I'm cooking "glop" for dinner. My MOM cooked "glop" for dinner...how did I get to be the one cooking it for my own family.

I'm old...but I'm not convinced I've earned my age. I've been through things...stuff...bad stuff and good stuff...

...but I still feel like I'm playing dress-up in someone else's clothes.

Most days I have this overwhelming sense that someone will figure out my secret...that I'm really just a kid playing grownup. I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm making it up as I go along. Bedtimes...privileges...grocery shopping...housekeeping...rules. Whatever strikes my fancy at any given moment.

So why not let my imagination run wild? Why not give my inner 12-year-old license to come out and play?

Maybe we'll have chocolate cake for breakfast sometime this week. Or maybe we'll pitch a tent in the living room and have a camp-out. Something fun to balance out the bedtimes, privileges, grocery shopping, housekeeping, and rules.

6 comments:

Ruby said...

I love the living room camp-out idea. I'm taking my "Little One" camping this spring. It will be his first time and he's already six. I know, I'm fired.

kate said...

Chocolate cake for breakfast is not 'grown-up'? Jeez....cake is my favorite breakfast...i mean, it is good for you. There are eggs in it, you know.

Now, ice cream for dinner, that is definitely not grown-up.

Becky said...

I feel the same way most days. Seriously. Maybe I'll have cookies for dinner tonight.

Kathy McC said...

I was just talking to a friend today about how you get to a certain point where you feel one age all the time. I feel like a kid a lot of the time. Like someone is going to "find me out" an catch me trying to act like a responsible adult. I, too, laugh at the farts and other toilet-related things. It's funny, darnit!

Carole said...

More days than not I wonder who put me in charge. Probably my parents felt the same way...they'd just never admit it. lol
~Carole

Julia said...

Invite me when the tent goes up, will ya? I love camping. And when it includes hot water and own pillows, it sounds just about perfect.