Saturday, September 22, 2007

Not sure what this says about me

I don't remember due dates anymore. A very dear friend in my animal rescue group remembered it for me...and I had to look it up to be sure.

I tend to think Travis got the short end of the stick in the grief department. I cried, but not like I cried (still cry) for Alex. I don't visit him at the cemetery like I did Alex (every day for the first few months). If he weren't born so close to Alex's birthday...if his birthday wasn't the start of a hellish week...I probably would forget that date too.

And yet, I don't feel guilty. Sure, I still feel sadness and emptiness, but I can't tell if that's a leftover from Alex or if it belongs to Travis.

How sad.

He'd be a year old if he had stayed with us...

How very sad.

4 comments:

pipsylou said...

I would venture to say that one can only take so much grief before your mind just sort of "shuts" it off. I think about you, Steve, Sam, Alex, Travis and Myles about 100 times more often than I comment! :)

Cass said...

That is the same way that I feel about Peyton....I cry, but not like I did with Quinn. My anger, though, is completely different than with Quinn.....

((((HUGS)))) Thinking of you!

Rosepetal said...

It's also what happened with A. I do think about him but not as much as I think about his older brother.

Julie said...

I agree with pipsylou, I think after so much your mind shuts off. I haven't been to the cemetery in months, and it makes me mad at myself. I just try to remember that Nick and his little sister are in my heart always.