Friday, September 28, 2007

Miscellaneous thoughts

There are days when blogging seems pointless and silly. Like the day after I post that a baby has died...or a friend has died. The best I can do is adjust the format so that the next post doesn't appear on the same page. It still seems wrong somehow...
I don't mind saying that Lisa's death has shaken me to my very core. She was only two years older than me. And she's gone forever. This has made me face some very scary questions this week about myself and my family. I was all gung-ho to have a c-section at the end of November. Now I have concerns. The few people I have confessed this to have basically told me I'm being irrational (which sits well with me, as I'm sure you can guess). But the fact is that you never know...

We have an ultrasound scheduled for Tuesday and then I was supposed to have an appointment with the nurse midwife in the practice. I think I'm going to reschedule the appointment with the actual doctor. It's time for an honest (and most likely, tearful) consultation.
I tie-dyed for the very first time in my life! What prompted such a daring event to take place in my guest bathroom? Why, purple day at my son's school, of course! Take that, you nasty teacher!
Speaking of the nasty teacher...
I MUST remember that everyone knows everyone in this county (which I find amazing, since we have a population of over 100,000 and my office mail keeps ending up in the strangest places). I was doing a bit of mommy-commiserating in the office and one of the older secretaries says, "Who is Sam's teacher?" When I told her, she said, "You mean Jim X's wife? She has always been so nice." Open mouth...insert foot...
Steve has been working in his new job for two weeks and other than being crammed into a cubicle in the corner, I think he likes it. Today they're having an office carnival where managers will sit in dunk tanks and employees will get to take their shots...proceeds to the Humane Society. There is nothing about that that I wouldn't like.
I have recently been in a funk. I'm not sure exactly why...I think it's a combination of things. But there are things said (and people who say them) that are really getting to me. I'm too tired to say anything and I feel as though there's no point to saying anything anyway because if these people were inclined to be nice...they would...but they're not. I just don't understand why people can't have a teeny tiny amount of respect for other people. Why are people so interested in alienating others by ignoring how their actions affect those around them? I don't understand why people have to be so damned self-involved that they just say and do whatever they please because it's "their right" to do so...

OK...I'd better stop before this turns into a full-on vent. :o)
I am perplexed by a phenomenon that emerges when someone dies, regardless of age or circumstance. How do we, in good conscience, claim that someone else's life (and death) existed as a means to teach US a lesson? Doesn't that reduce the value of their life and death...their very existence? Are we really that self-important that we can only find value in someone's existence as it relates to me?

It is odd to me to think that my children only existed (and died) because I was in need of some lesson. Likewise, I do not think my son, Samuel, exists because of anything having to do with me and my life lessons. What about the inherent value in simply existing? I don't believe I have the right to lay claim to that. I simply can not think that much of myself and I am befuddled by those who do.
Ever feel like you're preaching to the choir? And when you direct your voice elsewhere all you meet is resistance and irritation (and stupidity)? Yeah. Me too. I must just be the stupidest person on the planet because everywhere I turn, someone knows "better." Gah!
Whatever entertainment value I found in the insipid America's Next Top Model is now gone.
My son cannot rhyme. No matter how much Dr. Seuss we read, he simply cannot understand. *sigh*
I want to take my son out to dinner tonight at a restaurant where a friend is singing. I'm not sure it's worth the hassle. It's times like these I wish I knew some high school student I could trust to babysit for us.
I have had to adjust the template on this blog because my last one freaked out. Inspiration is not lurking at the moment. Maybe Monday when I'm at work and desperate for something to do to distract me from the insanity that is my job...
A dear friend sent me a gift in the mail...the most darling pair of sterling silver dragonfly earrings and a lovely book that reminds you on page one that "Success is getting up just one more time than you fall down."

Thank you so much Kath! I love you!


Beruriah said...

I'm an idiot too - or at least also surrounded by people who know better and feel the need to impart some wisdom. I don't need to have the answers to everything - just enough to know how to kindly make those who think they do shut up.

Sarah said...

As for the rhyming thing, I think that's a later kindergarten skill. No worries!! :)

vixanne wigg said...

Did you not like the smoking=stillbirth (creepy baby doll in mirror) on ANTM?

I'm still hooked. I always want the "big girl" to win.

Kathy McC said...

you're welcome! :-) Isn't that book great??

Aurelia said...

Hey, I know this template!

Although, you only seem to have one post at a time? Maybe set it to 5 or 10? Or am I just not seeing correctly?

Catherine said...

I set it that way so as to avoid having frivolous posts on the same page as the post about Lisa's passing. I will reset it at a later date. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sad for your friend Lisa. I was so shocked especially after reading her last post in June. So young, seems so unfair :( X