Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Is this your first?

So last night I announced to my business women's group that I am pregnant. They all know my history and I felt like it was a safe place. I didn't think about the fact that we had a guest and she might ask (stupid) questions. My fault entirely.

But really, WHY do women ask, "Is this your first?" Does it matter if it's my first or my sixth? What makes this an appropriate question? Is it any of your damn business if you've only just met me an hour earlier?

I quickly responded with, "No, this is my fourth," before I looked away and started crying. I heard her say, "Oh, your fourth," but I couldn't stand to look at her. Luckily, my friend body blocked the guest as she wrapped me up in her arms and said, "I hope it's ok that I pray for you." And thankfully, I didn't see our guest again before she left for the night.

I don't know if anyone told her about me or not...and I really don't care. Except that maybe if she knows she might think twice the next time before she asks a complete stranger another inappropriate question. Maybe I'll drop her a note and apologize for my abruptness with her...and explain. It will probably make her feel stupid, but at least it will save the next woman from her overly personal inquiry.


Brooke said...

Oh I HATE that question. It hurts every time someone asks me that.

delphi said...

I bloody well hate that question. And all permutations related.

I am glad you were with friends kind enough to rescue you.

*Darcie* said...

I havent really had that issue yet, but the question of how many children I have throws me all the time...or the one about how old is my youngest? That has been rough. I have answered with my youngest on Earth is 3, and I have one in Heaven who is almost 3 months. That usually shuts them up pretty quick...=(

niobe said...

It's funny because, in general, people couldn't care less if it's your first or not. They just can't think of anything else to say and are asking what they think is a completely innocuous question.

Of course, that doesn't make it hurt any less.

Julia said...

Ditto what Niobe said.

I actually thought up a bunch of answers to the most common stupid questions designed to communicate just how stupid the question was. This is because I am not too good on my feet, but better given enough time. So I thought them up ahead of time for if someone asks me those. My goal in this is really to try to protect others the busy body might encounter by making said busy body think twice before speaking in the future. But of course, I haven't been pregnant since A yet, so I am sure I will be in for a whole new set of stupidity, and am completely not sure I would be emotionally able to carry out this bold plan then. Hope someone clued the guest lady in.

cat said...

chiming in late here but...

I think people ask these questions not to actually know your answer but to voice their opinions on your answer... to talk about themselves in some way... the question never seems entirely about you.

Just my 2-cents.