Today I woke up to find a dear friend (D) is pregnant with her fifth child. I am happy for her (even if she is a bit nervous...her youngest turns one...tomorrow? I can hardly believe that!).
I sent my congratulations, but then I was off to do a quick search for ANYTHING to read online that is NOT about babies, pregnancy, trying to conceive, or loss (my bookmarks are pitiful, let me tell you). Self defense mechanisms are beautiful things sometimes.
I logged onto SheKnows (where I moderate the Loss Support forum) intending to spend some time surfing around in all those other forums that I haven't previously explored. "Just for Fun" sounded good. Or "Chit Chat."
And then I saw the post.
A woman named Jen...Due in January...daughter stillborn at 41 weeks.
It breaks my heart. I do not know this woman, but from her writing I see that she seems strong in her Christian faith and I hope that will be a comfort to her. I know the grief is a formidable opponent for even the strongest of faiths, however, so I worry. I also worry that someone will say the wrong thing to her and unintentionally hurt her. I have this instinct to wrap her up in my arms and protect her from the sadness and the pain that I know she will encounter. But that is not the way of things. We all have to walk our own road and face our own demons.
As a moderator for Loss Support, I did my "official duty" and left a few words of support for her...nothing that will make her feel any differently...just something to let her know that a support network is there if she wants to use it. As a fellow traveler on the path of grief, I hope she finds love and peace along her journey. As a mother with two angel boys, I cry tears for her and her daughter, Catriana Quinn.
Catriana Quinn. I feel the need to say her name here...to give it life where there is none...to let other people know that a mother has not lost just a pregnancy...a family has lost a child...and all the hopes and dreams for that child's life. I feel a need to acknowledge the lost potential in that life that will not be lived.
D and her new pregnancy...Jen and Catriana Quinn...it's been quite a morning. I think I'm going to just stay away from message boards for a while.