Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Apologies to Tim McGraw

Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears
And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years conquered the adolescent fears and now the big scary adult ones are my problem. I wonder how long it will take me to conquer those. Thirty years? Crap.
My next thirty years I’m gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more

heh...cry a LOT less and laugh a LOT more.
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I’m doing here
In my next thirty years
What AM I doing here? I thought I had at least some of it figured out and now I have NO idea again. Is it going to take me thirty more years to figure it out all over again? The thought just makes me tired. I wouldn't even know where to begin, anyway.
My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife
(crickets chirping)
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here ,In my next thirty years

I shouldn't listen to the radio. But I guess it does give me something to blog about.

I have stopped looking forward. I mean, I look forward, but not by more than a mere few moments into the future. The next 30 years? I can't even envision what THIS year will entail. After all, the motto for this year is, "Just show up."
  • I know we're going to make some progress financially (after messing up the finances so bad yesterday, my husband took matters into his own hands and we are no on track to make some progress. It is conceivable that we could be completely debt free in a few short years.).
  • I'm going to look for a new job.
  • Sam will go to kindergarten (let's not talk about it, it makes me cry).
  • Hopefully I'll get my ass on at least one horse.
But beyond that...who knows.

I think I should think about it. We should have plans and goals. But I just can't find the right frame of mind to come up with any. Maybe we'll aim low to begin with...a family vacation. That takes considerable planning, arranging and maybe it's not that low of a goal to strive for. Actually, thinking about it, it's a pretty impressive goal. Hmm...maybe...

Just show up. That's the motto for this year. But maybe it could use a little tweaking. It's not very inspiring in and of itself.

Nothing too ambitious...just some small goals.


Elizabeth said...

I love your motto for this year!

Julie said...

Yeah, great motto! i like the vacation idea. I think that's going to be our 'thing', too. Last year we had some rennovations, and the years before that involved dead children, so we need an effing vacation. Alaska by rail, perhaps?

ellie said...

Hey - you posted to my friend Elaine's blog when she posted about my baby boy Walker's death. I'm so sad for you to have gone through this twice. God.

I'm 36, I thought that Walker would be our only baby . . . don't know now, just trying to survive each moment.

I post at LJ lately.

Praying for peace for you and yours.