Who needs law school?

Client: I guess Other Client (OC) disagrees with your opinion, so she's going to call you for some clarification.
[read: She thinks she knows more than you and is calling to argue with you because you told her "no" and she really wants to hear "yes."]

Me: I can't rewrite my opinion. I issued my opinion...what is there to clarify?

Client: I can send you a copy of Revised Code 505.60, which is what OC thinks supports us...though I'm sure you're aware of it...and I don't know...maybe the Constitution is more restrictive than the statute...but it says...and I don't have it in front of me, so I don't have the exact language...it says something like as long as there isn't an increase in actual dollars spent, then we're ok.
[read: I didn't go to law school and I haven't practiced law in this state for the last three years, but I slept at a Holiday Inn Express last night]

Me: I don't think it's necessary for you to send me the statutes...I have multiple methods of accessing Ohio law.

Client: Oh, yeah, I'm sure you do...
[read: I forget you're an actual lawyer and you do things like...I don't know...READ THE LAW before issuing an opinion]

Me: I can assure you I have researched this area thoroughly and I stand by my opinion...unless there has been some change in the law since I issued the opinion last week?

Client: No...but the statute says...
[read: you're not listening...you didn't give the right answer]

Me: I'm familiar with what the statute says. My opinion remains my opinion today.

Any bets somebody calls my boss before the end of the week to discuss this?


Anonymous said…
I'm sure if it wasn't so irritating it would be amusing. Some people.
You mean the law isn't up for interpretation? Shocking.

No matter what you do professionally - there is always some ass that's going to tell you how it should be. I guess you can't escape it.
JMB said…
Ah yes....I've watched enough lawyer shows to be able to do what you do. And those three years of law school. Yea, remember the three years that made you as sleep deprived? Nah, they don't matter.

I'm in-house counsel, and I get the same crap on a regular basis. The only thing is that these are executives... and SOX isn't going to be on my side when they screw up.

Please tell me that at least your boss has a clue. Please.

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