Friday, January 26, 2007

So if the death talk is normal...

Is it normal when...?

Sam: We're not going to have any.more.babies.

Me: Why not?

Sam: Because our babies die.


DD said...

You both need big hugs.

Aurelia said...

My first comment was eaten this morning, so here goes again. I'm so sorry Catherine, this is the bittersweet part of having one living child already, especially one old enough to know what's happened.
When my kids say this, (yeah, our house too, sigh) I say,"Well, you lived, so it doesn't always happen that way." Sam may also be wanting an explanation of why it happened. For my kids I tried to talk in really simple age appropriate terms, like sometimes babies are born too early, or they get a disease that means they can't grow any bigger.
I've also made sure they knew it wasn't their fault, or my fault, or their Dad's fault. (Notwithstanding my own personal blame issues, which I keep to myself and the entire internet...)
I don't know if any of this helps Catherine, but even if you just keep talking to him about it, it might help him process his own grief.

JMB said...

Oh boy. Don't know how I would respond. Just sounds like hugs and having great snow days together is a start. I'm sorry that this sort of stuff seems to sneak up and smack you both.

Rebecca said...

I like Aurelia's advice, though I am sure for you it was the shock he said it and not what to say in return.

It's funny how we go through the times in our life when we really struggle with what is normal. People keep asking me what normal really is and if there is such a thing, but I maintain that there is normal. Normal is when you feel like and act like you did before.

Jill said...

Of course it's normal. The situation isn't, but his response is. He's stated the obvious and then told you he doesn't like the way it has made him feel and his solution is to not have any more babies.

And kids try, in their clumsy ways, to sympathise with us. Just yesterday Ellie said, 'It's really sad when people have babies on their birthday but then that baby dies, isn't it Mum?'. And there were comments this morning and some the day before that. It can be their way of helping, by letting you know they know what made you so sad. He's a good kid ((hugs))

Brenda said...

Yup thats normal as well.
And I think you need to explain to him that it does happen sometimes but mostly babies are born happy and healthy.

I'm sure the whole conversation took your breath away.

kids are just so honest about what they are thinking and feeling.

Hugs Brenda

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a smart kid. Its usually only the smart ones that ask such deep questions. Some comfort you can pick out of his words?!