Sunday, September 10, 2006

Gonna take some getting used to

Steve is upstairs. UPSTAIRS! It is unbelievable that this dream that hatched five years ago when we moved in is now becoming a reality. He can't believe it either. That's why he climbs up there every chance he gets, even though nothing has changed since yesterday, to check it out. I know what he's thinking in his head...because I'm thinking similar things. Here is where the closet will is where the bathroom will be...etc...etc.

It's really going to take some getting used to...hearing footsteps up above though. For the last five years we've been one-floor-living-and-loving. With the un-usability of the previous upstairs over just one third of the house, we didn't spend much time up there, opting to use the space mostly for storage. Our attempts to fill the existing two rooms with kids didn't go so well, so the "stuff" accumulated and gathered dust (and was, in its unused state, apparently a great receptacle for cat puke).

Which leads me to my current thought process. Not the cat puke...the unused state business. I'm not sure I'm ready to expand to two whole floors. Not only do I not have anybody to fill in the space with, but it means there will be more space between Steve and Sam and I. The mere thought brings tears to my eyes. You'd think I was contemplating Sam going off to college...not just his own bedroom. I won't be far away...and it's not like I think this new room is going to magically make him sleep in his own bed (though I think Steve is hoping) what's the big deal?

The big deal is that I just don't need anything to emphasize the emptiness right now. I convinced myself that I could distract myself with fixtures and flooring. And I have been. But now that I can "see it" happening, I wonder about the finished product. Big and empty. Not totally empty...just bigger than we need. And it doesn't help that everyone keeps saying, "Well, you'll need that extra room if you decide to have more kids." It's like they're saying, "That house is too big for just the three of you." And they're right.

Maybe it's not that I have to get used to the footsteps overhead.

Maybe it's that I have to get used to the lack of footsteps.


Hedda said...

Thanks for the hugs yesterday. I hope you find some way to get used to all the space.

I wanted to send you an email but I don't see a way to contact you. How do I do that?


deadbabymama said...

I lost weight when we moved into a three story house!

Your new space is part of your home, however you use the space and no matter who is there or not there. /the space will be full of movement, activity, light, darkness and memories both good and bad.

kate said...

What DBM said.

Also, one quickly expands to fill the space given. When we moved from France, we went from like 700 sq ft to 1300 sq ft. It seemed like a huge space to me -- how will we fill it, i wondered, especially since we don't have a baby... and then less than year later we bought a house that is 3000 sq ft...which we TOTALLY don't need either. 3000 square feet and no freaking closets. But i love it anyway.

They are putting closets up there for you, aren't they?

delphi said...

I don't know why people feel the need to comment on the size of our living spaces. We have the opposite situation - in just under 800 square feet, we constantly get the comment that we will have to move once we have the 6 kids that others around us are so confident that we will have. Well, that doesn't take into consideration any of our plans - to only possibly have two children to live in this house (if we are so lucky) and to have them share a room. I may feel differently in 10 years, but for now I like my space.

And there are many, many times where my less-than-800-sq.ft. feels too big. It should be crowded with the life and implements of a 20 month old and isn't. Physical space isn't the problem.

Try to enjoy the construction process. There is so much to learn when you put a house together (or a house on top of another house!). Though some days will undoubtedly be overwhelming, this type of renovation is truly an act of creativity. Your talents for creativity will undoubted shine here.

Love to you.