Sunday, July 02, 2006
I'm not kidding.
Grandma had another massive stroke and is pretty much comatose. My mom went to be with her and is keeping us updated by email. Hospice says it will only be days. Of course, they said two days and it has now been six, so these things are apparently only a best-guess scenario.
I know I sound glib, but really I'm not. It's just...what else is there? Alcohol. But alcohol and blogging do not mix.
The ankle is ok. Still hurts, but my foot is not balloon-sized anymore. So what do I do today? Go out tromping around looking for a lost rescue dog for four hours.
Just look at her. She's so cute. And so scared. She runs from everyone. I thought she might see me and feel sorry enough for me to come say hi. But I didn't even see her once. Steve saw her a couple of times, so I guess it's gonna take two good legs to find this dog.
Again...I sound glib...but I'm really not. There is nothing like watching life ebb out of a person, and the resulting fear and sadness it creates in others (even from a couple hundred miles away)...or chasing the elusive lost dog...to make a person feel really small and powerless. All I have left is laughter to fill up the vastness.
Thanks for missing me while I was gone. Even though I needed the space for myself this week, I still missed you all.
While I was away...(aside from the death watch)...in chronological order...
Found a cute little digital camera at Walmart for $15. Of course I had to buy it. You never know when you'll need to take a picture.
I got my hair cut short by a woman who needed "a second opinion" on how to create the desired style. You can just imagine the rest. It's really not too bad.
My husband made a sick joke about digging up our kids so we could get a picture of the two of them together...or a family portrait. I laughed until my sides hurt.
I was contacted by an amazingly kind woman who pointed me to Earlypath Medical Consultation Services...and a doctor who knows a thing or two about placental pathology. Though we won't be having more children, I need to know why this happened. I need explanations.
I felt abdominal pain for a few days before my period. I've had cramps before...but this was different...lower in my abdomen and sharper. Could be stress or it could be something else. For now it's something I've filed away for next month. If it happens again, I'll be visiting my OB and not leaving until he tells me what is wrong with me. If you see a story on the news about the woman being hauled out of her OB's office forcibly, you'll know it all went wrong. :o)
I had a blast shopping for a care package for Becci. I sent my husband to mail it. If it doesn't end up in Guam it will be a small miracle. I hope Becci likes it.
I had a three hour conversation with someone I'd fallen out with after Alex died. She lost a daughter eleven and a half years ago, at 3 1/2 years old. And while we're in very different clubs, it was nice to talk to her because I know she at least has some idea where I'm coming from. She's got cancer. I have no idea where she's coming from with that. But at least I know that I shouldn't try to say something smart...because I KNOW I don't get it.
I realized we missed the support group meeting last month because of my ankle...and we're missing this upcoming month's meeting because of the Compassionate Friends conference. But we'll be less raw if we go back in August, so I'm kind of glad it worked out this way. Plus, the conference itself will hopefully not only replace the support group adequately, but will provide us with a little bit more than the support group could...I hope (if not, at least we'll have fun swimming in the hotel pool and ordering room service).
The bank guy came out to our house and we signed the construction loan papers for our house renovation. We paid him for the appraisal. I guess we're really going to do this thing. Time to start cleaning and reorganizing in anticipation of the removal of the roof and existing second floor. Pray it doesn't rain for a while. It seems like this is the wettest spring I can remember in a long while.
Speaking of rain...saw a double rainbow over our house. That $15 digital camera came in handy.
I won a contest over at my favorite "star" gossip site.
One of the prizes I don't need, but I'm hoping a friend will get a cute pair of shoes for her new baby boy. And I got the Geisha tank from Hot Mama Ink.
Something died in our bathroom wall. We'd been smelling something for days and couldn't figure it out. So I was sniffing around and discovered that the mystery odor is definitely eminating from within the wall. We're going to have to open it up to get to the plumbing for our home renovation. I'm slightly afraid of what we will find.
A very very very understanding and amazingly kind friend sent me a box of chocolate. Godiva chocolate. And Harry London Buckeyes. And Ghiradelli browning mix. I told you...she's a GOOD friend. Thanks S! I love you. And I love that we're back in touch with each other...even before you sent me chocolate.
Played Find the Pink Spoon. Baskin & Robbins has some great prizes up for grabs. And the game is kind of fun too...which is unusual.
My lilies bloomed. I halfheartedly planted them last year and forgot about them. Truth be told, I didn't even realize they were lilies and think I may have pulled a couple of them out thinking they were weed (I know...duh!). Photos on flickr.
Toured the covered bridges of our county. Yes, covered bridges. There are 20+ in our county...we're that rural. We didn't see all of them because of my gimpy-ness. But we did make a tour of the eastern half and Steve and I took pictures for a display I plan to hang on my office wall. It was free fun. And Sam had a blast. Afterward, we got ice cream, went to WalMart and bought flowers and plants, went to the cemetery, went home and had a brief swim in our pool (I will be blogging about the pool setup process here sometime soon. It was quite the adventure. And I have pictures.). Except for the cemetery, it was a good day.
I'm making a concerted effort to stay in the here and now. Not the past and not too far into the future. There is no point to all the longing, except to make myself miserable. I don't want to miss a day of life...I've already missed too many.