Thursday, June 01, 2006

The words of another Travis

I was having a particularly rough day today, when I checked Travis' website and found this condolence waiting for my approval...(edited for spelling and punctuation)

My name is Travis, I came across this site searching for someone I fell in love with 10 years ago. Same last name, C_____. I decided to come over here and check it out and search for the needle in a haystack, in a sense. What I found brought me to tears.

I am a father of 4, I am not biologically the father of one. In my eyes she is my daughter. I was there for her first steps, first words, and so forth. I can not bear the thought of losing ANY of my babies (though 1/2 aren't babies anymore). I'm sorry has been said too many times. In a moment like this, what more is there to say?? All I can say, and please do not take this wrong, please. *I have a knack of saying the wrong thing or it coming out wrong, but intending it in a different way so please bear with me.

I'm sorry is over used and is the "fail safe" when something like this happens, what else is there to say? I honestly can't answer that, however, what I can say is something my great-grandmother used to say to me.

"No one is ever gone, as long as there is someone there to remember them." In a physical sense they may not be there. You may not physically be able to kiss their boo-boos, see their face, hold them close and rock them to sleep. I know, and you know, even though you do not notice. At times when you're walking outside and this warm embrace just comes over you and feels like the warm embrace of a loved one sending a sense of ease come over you, that is your babies hugging and holding you. When you're standing at the check out line in a super market and you suddenly realize you were rocking back and forth the way you would to your baby even if she/he wasn't crying just reassuring them you're there for them no matter what. They do the same thing to you now, the question I ask you is do you notice it ?

Like I tell my babies, "no matter how far away I go, no matter if your mother and I get a divorce, what she says or anyone says, I will ALWAYS love you and you will ALWAYS be in my heart even after I pass on. When my time comes, and you feel or notice the few things as I mention, that is me missing you, that is me holding you. The rain that falls on what's supposed to be a happy occassion is my tears falling from heaven becuase I am not there for you, but I know I am in your heart"

I am honestly thinking about deleting this. Never shared this with anyone else before, kinda weird if ya really knew me too. You'd be like "WTF??? Travis is THAT YOU???"

I hope these words ease the pain even in the slightest way or help you to cope. Live for tomorrow, not for today or the past. Sit alone one night or day close your eyes and remember. They're still there, they really are. Take care.

10 comments:

W said...

OMG, that is the sweetest thing. What a great guy and daddy.

Laura said...

Amazing. What a huge heart he has.

Sherri said...

beautifully said.

Diana said...

Those were beautiful words. Thank you for sharing them with us...

Sherry (Hallesmom) said...

Thank you for sharing his words. He brought tears to my eyes.

miraclebaby said...

That is really sweet.

Holley said...

That was kind and beautiful.

One Mother's Journey said...

I want him to be my dad!

kate said...

what a wonderful letter. It brings hope to my heart...

Jaye said...

What a beautiful and thoughtful note.

Catherine, your life is not a freak show and you are not alone. You and your loved ones are always in my thoughts...