Friday, June 09, 2006

Break out the popcorn

All tests negative. Placental pathology shows inflammation that could have been a viral infection or a host of other etiologies...no way to tell. Still waiting for genetic test results on Travis, but really feeling like it wasn't genetic. On the scale of things that are likely to repeat, this is "way down there." Dr. A says, "I just don't know what to tell you, because I don't have any answers."

Well that's honest, at least.

So whatever it is, it is quite possible I'm carting it around in my uterus and there's no way to evict it.

I didn't have the heart to ask him on the telephone...so I sent him an email...

Thank you for calling with the test results. I guess I'm left with the big question...and I'd love to know what both you and Dr. E think...about the possibility of me ever being able to carry another baby to term. Is there any further diagnostic testing available to me now? I know you can't pinpoint what exactly caused Travis' death, but can you hazard a guess that would help me decide about the future possibility of children? My husband and I would really like to add to our family but, I'll be honest, my gut reaction is to feel as though the odds are now so stacked against me that it is pointless to even try to have another child. I know it wasn't likely to happen twice...but it did. Can I just presume that it is likely to keep happening to me? I know you don't have all the answers, but not being a doctor myself, I really don't know what to think at this point. Any information and/or insight would be appreciated.

Put your feet up, munch on some popcorn, and watch the dream of more children die a slow death. I give the show four stars..."gut-wrenching and powerfully emotional...a two-box kleenex rating...two thumbs up...a sure bet for an Academy Award."

11 comments:

Lorem ipsum said...

Well, you're fine to put up your feet and hit the popcorn (that was your Rx, right?), but look away from the rest of it right now. You lost your sons, yes. Nothing will change that. BUT, some of us do believe, and will continue to believe as you and Steve put your lives together again.

Good vibes your way...



ps Does this sound as trite as I hope it doesn't?

Sherry (Hallesmom) said...

Catherine, I am so sorry. I don't know what I was hoping for with the results but something more 'definite'.

Julie said...

Hugs... I've had enough with the 'less than 1%', 'no explanation' and 'sometimes these things happen'. So much for beating the odds.
Glad you asked your doc, I hope he can give you something to chew on.
Thinking of you.

Jill said...

I'm sorry you got no answers, and I am amazed at the iron gut that allowed you to write that email. Maybe gut instinct - yours and theirs - will be the the most accurate answers you will get. And that sucks.

Forget the popcorn, grab the vodka and watch some other movie for an evening. As always, thinking of you and wishing you any small respite from the pain.

Holley said...

Big hugs and no popcorn. I'm still hoping for something more definite from the rest of the tests.

More big hugs.

kate said...

I am sorry....i hope they can come up with something more definite...i hope he answers your email quickly....thinking of you and sending many ((((((((hugs)))))))

Sarah said...

Sometimes not knowing is worse then knowing. I hope they can give you some answers, some clues, something. It's just not fair!!!

miraclebaby said...

I will be thinking of you as you wait for all the answers... or at least the ones they can give you.

Oh and for some reason I am a dufus and can't figure out where the link to your email is...

Catherine said...

No...I'm the dufus...I forgot I took it out of my sidebar. lol

Kate94651@hotmail.com

miraclebaby said...

LOL thanks! I thought my brain cells might be shrinking!

Windfall Woman said...

You deserve answers. You deserve good health. You deserve a healthy baby.