I was approaching this, your first birthday, with such trepidation because I didn't know how I would handle it without you here. And then your little brother Travis died and your whole day has been overshadowed by thoughts of him as well. I'm so sorry for that.
You would think, that on this day of all days, you would be the center of attention. You would think I would have learned my lesson...not paying attention cost you your life. May the universe or God or fate forgive me for that.
I love you.
I have never loved anyone like I love you...and I never will.
I have never missed anyone like I miss you...and I never will.
For the past year I have sat at your graveside, praying and crying and hoping for some peace...some understanding. I thought I was about to find some when Travis left us to be with you. Now I fear I will spend the next year sitting by both of your gravesides praying and crying and hoping for some peace again.
You should be here...enjoying first birthday cake and presents showered on you by everyone who loves you. Instead, I lit a candle and thought of you in heaven with your baby brother.
We so would have loved to know you...to welcome you into our lives...to seek adventures...to learn and grow together. But this is all we have now...a few fleeting memories of the short time we got to hold you in our arms. You were so beautiful. My arms ache to hold you again. I so wish I could kiss your cheek again.
Please take care of your little brother until I see you both again.
I love you so much.
Happy first birthday baby boy.