Thursday, May 11, 2006

Happy first birthday sweet Baby Alex

Dear Alex~

I was approaching this, your first birthday, with such trepidation because I didn't know how I would handle it without you here. And then your little brother Travis died and your whole day has been overshadowed by thoughts of him as well. I'm so sorry for that.

You would think, that on this day of all days, you would be the center of attention. You would think I would have learned my lesson...not paying attention cost you your life. May the universe or God or fate forgive me for that.

I love you.

I have never loved anyone like I love you...and I never will.

I have never missed anyone like I miss you...and I never will.

For the past year I have sat at your graveside, praying and crying and hoping for some peace...some understanding. I thought I was about to find some when Travis left us to be with you. Now I fear I will spend the next year sitting by both of your gravesides praying and crying and hoping for some peace again.

You should be here...enjoying first birthday cake and presents showered on you by everyone who loves you. Instead, I lit a candle and thought of you in heaven with your baby brother.

We so would have loved to know you...to welcome you into our lives...to seek adventures...to learn and grow together. But this is all we have now...a few fleeting memories of the short time we got to hold you in our arms. You were so beautiful. My arms ache to hold you again. I so wish I could kiss your cheek again.

Please take care of your little brother until I see you both again.

I love you so much.

Happy first birthday baby boy.

Mommy

10 comments:

Mommies Esq1 said...

Happy Birthday Alex.

Hugs to your Mommy, Daddy and Big Brother Sam.

Roberta said...

Happy Birthday Alex. Hugs to all of those who are missing you. I will stop crying long enough to send a smile into the universe for you and your little brother tonight.

Sarah said...

Happy Birthday Alex.

miraclebaby said...

my heart breaks for you even though I don't know you. I will think of yuo and Alex and Travis during this time and for a long time to come. Your story has touched me...

Sherry (Hallesmom) said...

Happy Birthday Alex. I am sending smiles your way.

Big hugs to all the people you left behind, but especially to your mommy, daddy, and big brother Sam.

Laura said...

Happy Birthday, sweet baby boy! I'm sending kisses and smiles your way.

Catherine, I'm thinking of you and Steve and Sam and baby Travis today--Friday. ((much love))

kate said...

((((((((hugs))))))))) I know that's pitiful but it's all i got...i wish i could do more.

:) n said...

happy birthday baby love-

much love to your family missing you.

love- n

Lisa said...

I'm shedding tears for you, Alex, because you are so missed, but also because of the love and joy you continue to bring to your mommy, daddy, and big brother Sam. Take care of little Travis, and know how profoundly you are loved and missed.

TNChick said...

Happy Birthday, Alex. Your Mama is such a wonderful gal.

Hugs to you, Kate.