This is going to be a fun week. Saturday Orbit is going off to his new adoptive home. Monday I have a hearing that I'm pretty certain I'm going to lose. Tuesday I have an OB appointment. At some point I need to take the other foster dog in to have her stitches removed (she was spayed two weeks ago). No stress involved here. I'm calm...cool as a cucumber...
Yeah right. I might actually believe it if I keep telling myself that...a zillion times or more.
There are no words to describe the all-encompassing fear I feel if I even think about anything pregnancy-related. It's strange. Since Alex died I have found solace in using my words here. I have felt a sort of catharsis by putting my thoughts down in an organized fashion.
But not now. I have too much to lose. I'm afraid to utter the words...any of them. The happy ones, the sad ones, the angry ones, the bitter ones, the peaceful ones...they all tempt fate in a way that I'm not ready to do right now.
And I can't even drink to calm my nerves.