Sunday, January 01, 2006

Reflection...Anticipation...Phooey

2005 is in the record books. It's over. I thought I would feel some big sense of relief or some sense of eager anticipation for what might be ahead in 2006. I hoped there would be some sense of relief from turning another corner.

But I realized this morning that I haven't turned any significant corners. The change of the calendar hasn't changed a thing about our lives. Steve still got up to let the dogs out this morning. I still feel sick. We're still going to have to deal with Sam's temper tantrum when we try to take the Christmas tree down today.

And Steve and I both tried to say "Happy New Year" to each other...and it just didn't work.

I have the same hopes I had last year. Yesterday and today all wrapped up with one big bright shiny bow under confetti and a paper hat? It's all a bunch of bologna, if you ask me. There's no more promise with the change of the year than there was yesterday or the day before. There is no more hope or happiness or despair or sadness. This is life...my life. And it moves along all messy and complicated.

I guess I got my wish. I wanted it to be a beautiful tapestry...rich and full and complicated. The pain makes the tapestry less one-dimensional, that's for sure. The bad with the good...the sad with the happy...it's all part of the package. We should learn to appreciate it always. Yesterday, today and tomorrow. I feel better about wishing someone a happy tomorrow than I do a happy new year. Less pressure.

I'm sorry if your yesterday was sad and I hope your tomorrow is happy. I do hope you're lucky enough to string a bunch of happy tomorrows together. But if you're not, you will surely know you are alive. And that is something special too.

7 comments:

Julie said...

You hit the nail on the head.
Happy Tomorrow(s), Catherine.

Jill said...

Hmmm, it's probably best to limit it to that too. Not even 'happy next weeks' or 'next months'. Just one day at a time. Happy Tomorrows to you. Just enough though, cos like you say, it'd be rather one dimensional otherwise.

MB said...

There's a song out right now about having better days. In fact, that may be the title. I think it's the Goo-Goo Dolls. I'll have to check it out. At any rate, it's how I feel lately. I don't want all the fluff and crap that goes with the holidays, I just want better days.

We all just want better days.

Sweet Coalminer said...

Many happy days to you, and I hope you feel better soon. And I hope your dogs learn to use the toilet so Steve can sleep in.

puremood said...

What a great way to think... you got it goin' on, Cahterine!

To me, it was just another day, New Years Day. We did stay up till midnight, shared a drink and kissed... but it wasn't anything different than any other night at midnight. Actually, I haven't even turned over any calendar. LOL I don't feel any different, the times don't feel any different and really... the only thing different is the 5 turned to a 6... but numbers change all the time when not much else does...

Tomorrow is not a promise to us... so let's just stick with today and be happy. That's all we can do, really, isn't it?

Hugs.

Windfall Woman said...

Catherine, I hope you are feeling better. You are one of the people I thought about during New Year's. One day at a time. I wish you great days and courage and strength for the bad ones.

Sarah said...

Great idea. I know i didn't feel anything significant at midnight... besides that I could finally head home and go to bed. Happy today and tomorrow.
:)