2005 is in the record books. It's over. I thought I would feel some big sense of relief or some sense of eager anticipation for what might be ahead in 2006. I hoped there would be some sense of relief from turning another corner.
But I realized this morning that I haven't turned any significant corners. The change of the calendar hasn't changed a thing about our lives. Steve still got up to let the dogs out this morning. I still feel sick. We're still going to have to deal with Sam's temper tantrum when we try to take the Christmas tree down today.
And Steve and I both tried to say "Happy New Year" to each other...and it just didn't work.
I have the same hopes I had last year. Yesterday and today all wrapped up with one big bright shiny bow under confetti and a paper hat? It's all a bunch of bologna, if you ask me. There's no more promise with the change of the year than there was yesterday or the day before. There is no more hope or happiness or despair or sadness. This is life...my life. And it moves along all messy and complicated.
I guess I got my wish. I wanted it to be a beautiful tapestry...rich and full and complicated. The pain makes the tapestry less one-dimensional, that's for sure. The bad with the good...the sad with the happy...it's all part of the package. We should learn to appreciate it always. Yesterday, today and tomorrow. I feel better about wishing someone a happy tomorrow than I do a happy new year. Less pressure.
I'm sorry if your yesterday was sad and I hope your tomorrow is happy. I do hope you're lucky enough to string a bunch of happy tomorrows together. But if you're not, you will surely know you are alive. And that is something special too.