Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Dragging me kicking and screaming

Someone said that Sam would drag me through the holidays kicking and screaming (probably a figurative reference and not an indication of how this person feels about Sam), and it was true...he did. He and Steve pulled me through. And they are the reason I wake every day and go on. This is a good thing...right?

I watched a cheesy movie the other day...I think it was called Only You with Marissa Tomei. There was a line of dialogue in there...humans have an amazing capacity for moving's what we do...move on.

All the distractions in my life have helped me move on, I suppose. But I wonder if my concentration on moving on hasn't cheated my memory of Alex. I wonder if he doesn't deserve better. More attention...more something.


MB said...

I've wrestled with this too. What can I do? I feel like we should be more...respectful?...of her and her memory? I mean, we make reference to her in our daily lives, but do we really involve her? No. But, how do I do that? I think Julie said once around Caleb's birthday "What do you buy a dead baby for his birthday" (sorry if I butchered that Julie. i think I remembered it correctly). After reading it, I thought, that's the problem. What do you do? I mean, I want to do something, but what? How do we strike a balance between honoring them and their memories without pushing a baby carriage around with a little wooden box of ashes? When I go in her room, I whisper hello. I kiss her little wooden box. I think about her to distraction. But, what else can I do?

Windfall Woman said...

I think you are paying tribute to Alex beautifully. You are an awesome mother.