I wish I had some insight that I could share from the Christmas experience, but I don't. I have nothing more than I had yesterday or any other day since May. And I KNOW I should be grateful for what I do have...one healthy child, a husband who loves me, a family who cares, a warm home...blah, blah, blah.
Christmas Eve was lovely...complete with mom's homemade pizza and presents galore.
There were even moments of humor...
I laughed and ate and drank and talked.
And I cried in the dark on the ride home.
Today I hid my tears in the bathroom as I showered and dressed...and the kitchen as I cooked dinner.
I KNOW what I lost. I see it in my Sam every single day...and Christmas day is no exception. And there are days like today, where I watch Sam and know what I will be missing forever.
The day may pass...but this is never over.