Sunday, December 25, 2005

The Ghost of Christmas Future

I wish I had some insight that I could share from the Christmas experience, but I don't. I have nothing more than I had yesterday or any other day since May. And I KNOW I should be grateful for what I do healthy child, a husband who loves me, a family who cares, a warm home...blah, blah, blah.

Christmas Eve was lovely...complete with mom's homemade pizza and presents galore.

There were even moments of humor...

I laughed and ate and drank and talked.

And I cried in the dark on the ride home.

Today I hid my tears in the bathroom as I showered and dressed...and the kitchen as I cooked dinner.

I KNOW what I lost. I see it in my Sam every single day...and Christmas day is no exception. And there are days like today, where I watch Sam and know what I will be missing forever.

The day may pass...but this is never over.


Jill said...

I think I understand what you mean:( I am so sorry.

My thoughts are with you and your family ((hugs))

Heather said...

Lots of love to all of you.

Windfall Woman said...

I can't pretend to understand how you feel/felt. I think of you and your pain often. I wish there was something I could do to help.