Am I a freak? Am I embarassed? Am I scared?
I guess it's all of the above.
I just had the weirdest conversation with myself over whether to post my blog address in my comment information on a typepad blog that I read that is not loss related. Should I post it or not? Why would I have a problem sharing that information? I guess I'm still stuck in the mindset that this is my personal journal and only those I invite can read it. I don't want some stranger happening upon my thoughts by randomly clicking on some link somewhere. Or do I? This has gotten so complicated.
On the one hand I want this to be MY space...with the boundaries and limits defined by me. But I can't deny that there is an opportunity here to educate people about the truth of life when you lose a baby (at least as I see it). This is a chance to humanize that line in the pregnancy books that says, "...and rarely, stillbirth results." I want anyone and everyone to know that the statistical rarity doesn't make it any less devestating when it happens to you. And I want people, especially women, to know that they need to take control of their pregnancy care and ask questions...arm themselves with information so that their babies come home alive.
There is also the fear that someone will stumble on my words and not be as understanding as I need to heal emotionally. At that point, I think I would just have to shut the place down, and that would be very difficult since this has become a sort of therapy...writing my thoughts down and making sense of them.
So do I protect my existing little sphere of "friends" and keep you all to myself? Or do I share myself and risk the possible fallout?
What an odd situation.