I sat there today and silently ate my lunch...with the woman who gave birth in February, the woman who gave birth in March, the woman who gave birth in July (with her baby), and the man whose new wife is due in February with a boy.
It was ok.
I talked baby stuff with the moms and wished my male coworker congratulations on his wife's pregnancy.
I was ok.
Until someone joked how everyone had had a boy...how the boss should advertise open positions as the way to have a baby boy...a "boy guarantee" of sorts.
I couldn't get up and walk out. It would be too obvious.
I couldn't cry. That would elicit pity that I don't need or want.
I couldn't smile and laugh. I felt no joy.
I couldn't look anyone in the eye. I didn't want them to see.
I can now tell you every ingredient in the vegetable lasagna I was eating.
I froze in my chair and searched for some answers in my God damned vegetable lasagna.
There are no answers in the vegetable lasagna.
And there are no guarantees.