Holy crap! The last adult thing Steve and I did together (besides the obvious), was his company Christmas party (at which I was pregnant and couldn't even drink the mammoth glasses of wine they were serving...we really must go back to that place sometime...I have dreams about those wine glasses). OK...let me qualify...that was the last FUN adult thing we did together. Delivering a dead baby, picking out caskets and seeing plays about grief just don't count.
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I'm not feeling too inspired to write these days. I think maybe that month after month of pouring my heart and soul into coherent sentences has finally paid off...I'm on an even keel again...at least for today.
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I'm not up on my grief research. I wonder if it is considered "more difficult" to move on after a loss that is sudden or a loss that is prolonged. Does it help to get a chance to say goodbye before? Or is it an easier healing to make your goodbyes after the person has already died?
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I really can't stand No Doubt. Not even on free internet radio.
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Steve's not a weirdo. You should see how they look at ME at the daycare. I'm the mom that doesn't even drop her child off in the morning...abdicating my responsibility to my husband...putting my career before my child...they have NO idea how to talk to me. If anything I'm the weirdo...at first it made my uncomfortable...now it makes me chuckle.
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Am I selfish to want a baby? Should I just accept the one child family that I have?
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Today I had a taste of big city fear. As I was turning my car around in our driveway, two men pulled up and got out of their pickup truck. A million thoughts ran through my head...mainly what's the safe thing to do? I forget. Do I get out of the car? Do I roll down my window and say hello (what do you want?)?
I never thought about it, but my job puts me in a higher profile than some other attorneys. Not that I deal directly with crime and slime, but I could be judged guilty by association. It's a scary thought, so I will banish it for analysis on another day.
Anyway...I pulled up and these guys identified themselves. Employees of a client out to give me an estimate on re-roofing the house. Oh yeah...Steve...trouble township has a trustee who's selling shingles. So I figured it wouldn't hurt to get an estimate. I forgot to tell you last night. Sorry.
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I need creative ways to market the rescue dogs. I really want to find them good homes. We're on the internet, but that's hit or miss. I'm going to do the Petco adoption board. Any other ideas?
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I found out that a female registered sex offender lives a few houses down from us. Ain't life wonderful?
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I have to go work now. blah.
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Mom
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4 comments:
Commenting on one part that I feel strongly about: you are *not* selfish to want a baby. (((hugs)))
Ok, well it's not selfish to want to give Sam a friend to grow old with. And that requires you having a baby. So if you feel like you can handle it then that is the only question that needs answering.
No Doubt always makes me tap my foot. Makes me feel young again ::cackle,cough::
Holy Crap about the sex offender. At least you can find that stuff out in the States. It has to be leaked to the public here. That's really scary:(
And you have to laugh at the daycare mothers and simply wish them well and hope they get a life at some point LOL:)
You are not selfish to want to have another child. Selfish people have babies they do not want and then don't care for them. I see it with some frequency at work.
There is no "good" or less difficult way to lose someone you dearly love. I have lost people suddenly and I have seen loved ones die after long, agonizing protracted illnesses. Maybe I'm just not enlightened enough, but either way is heartbreaking in my experience.
I live in sex offender central. There are at least five in my neighborhood. As Angie grows older and more beautiful to my eyes, I desperately want to leave this house and find a "safer" one.
I can't stand No Doubt since I saw the video for It's My Life. Loved the song, despised the video.
Big Hugs.
Holley
I can see how that argument that you're 'selfish' can work its way in. I was an only child - secondary infertility on my mom's part - and people would say, 'Oh, it's fashionable to only have one child,' and snicker, or call them selfish (and me, by extension, spoiled, even though we probably couldn't afford another kid).
Now it's kind of flipped around. I think those same people think that having small families is the norm, and that if you want more you're trying to hog the pie.
Neither is true. Don't apologize for what you want. Some people want one child. Some want four. Some want none. And although what I say carries no weight in the great scheme of things, I think the universe owes you one!
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