I have learned to accept the sadness and I am coping with it. The anger is less intense and I'm coping with that too. I'm working on the jealousy as well...though I still have a way to go, I really feel like I can conquer it (or at least leash train it to sit and stay when I need it to).
I can not seem to get a handle on the emptiness. That feeling that there is something missing...that hole that nothing seems to fill up. Looking backward doesn't do it...looking forward doesn't do it. It's an ache in my chest (my heart?) that is always there. I could learn to live with it, if it didn't paralyze me everytime I feel it. I'm literally unable to function when it grabs hold of me.
There is no way to describe it to someone who hasn't been there. It's just emptiness.
It's like standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon and shouting hello...only to have the sound echo off the walls and eventually fade away. Where does it go? What happens to it? It just ceases to exist and there is nothing left in its place...except emptiness. And there you stand, on the edge of this beautiful place surrounded by that silence and that emptiness.
No, that's not quite what it is.
I just don't have the words.