My children have baby books that have only a handful of entries. I haven't written them letters every year on their birthday like I planned. I don't know why that's relevant, but it feels like it is.
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I tried a handwritten journal. I made it through half the year. My purple pen ran out of ink and that was my excuse to stop.
I picked up a gratitude journal this year and have been doing pretty good remembering to fill it in. I used a blue pen so I wouldn't have an excuse to stop.
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Before instagram and twitter and tik tok and clicks and likes and monetization, I started this blog as a means to talk about the fun in my life. Then life took me down a very dark and twisty road and this blog became a sort of therapy...allowing me to type out all the dark and twisty thoughts...giving them a place to go so they wouldn't rattle around in my brain and steal my joy completely. But then Lisa died. And Jill died. And friends drifted away for a variety of reasons. And I just couldn't continue here.
Through the years, I keep coming back here randomly. But then something stops me from posting. This isn't the place for clicks and likes and monetization. And it feels almost dishonorable to take this place back to the everyday nonsense. I'm fairly certain I have no fan base clamoring for me to add my voice to the internet cacophony.
But I feel like this is my story. And I don't want someone who stumbles on this place to think the dark and twisty place was the end. It's true I've written posts here while sobbing. It's also true I've written posts while laughing hysterically. More importantly, I've felt a special kind of peaceful magic when I connect with kind people here.
I won't try to tell you that time heals all wounds. I won't have words of wisdom or direction for anyone. I myself marvel at how I've made it to 49 years old...with two amazing living children...and a husband who still puts up with my brand of crazy.
There are so many stories to share. And I feel like I might want to share them.
So maybe it's time to reclaim this place...
No clicks...no likes...no monetization.
Just me.