tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8836584.post116949752356383841..comments2023-09-23T07:24:36.217-04:00Comments on Everything Is Under Control: So how are you doing now, really?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8836584.post-10670833907693445452007-01-26T16:30:00.000-05:002007-01-26T16:30:00.000-05:00Take as long as you want sweetie! i know where yo...Take as long as you want sweetie! i know where you're coming from. its not ok for everyone to say it's gonna be ok, because it will be a long hellava time before you are, and just when you think you are it starts all over again! Have the faith to believe God will take care of you, thats it. yell at Him, do whatever you'd like, He'll still be there to listen! I do all the time. Yelling mostly. I made this picture slide show of Alex and i started to cry and scream and yell, i was here all by myself but you know what, it made me feel better! so go ahead SCREAM! say its BULLSH*T, and what ever else you want to!!!(It may not always feel like it but God is ALWAys there!) Anyway that's what helps me, i listen to my music and pray and yell and pray and yell sommoreAthenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04769341439712971147noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8836584.post-1169667098645130362007-01-24T14:31:00.000-05:002007-01-24T14:31:00.000-05:00Oh my gosh! Exactly. Exactly. I hate the part that...Oh my gosh! Exactly. <BR/><BR/>Exactly. <BR/><BR/>I hate the part that to be okay on the outside you have to feel so alone on the inside. I hate it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8836584.post-1169657261365870652007-01-24T11:47:00.000-05:002007-01-24T11:47:00.000-05:00This post is very relevant to me, with many of the...This post is very relevant to me, with many of the things I have been feeling/dealing with right now.<BR/><BR/>Thank you for sharing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8836584.post-1169647293472332242007-01-24T09:01:00.000-05:002007-01-24T09:01:00.000-05:00This is just my two cents, but I get so angry when...This is just my two cents, but I get so angry when I hear people suggest that "letting it go" and "moving on" are the right ways to cope with tragedy like this. Maybe for some people it is, and more power to them, I suppose, But if I let go and move on, I leave my boy behind me. The sorrow is all I have left of him, and it's very hard to relinquish that.<BR/><BR/>And even if I wanted to, I just can't. Not right now.<BR/><BR/>The sorrow is different than it was, but it's still there and it always will be. How can it not?<BR/><BR/>There's no way not to be sad about the death of two beautiful boys. There's no way for that not to impact your life in ways people who haven't been there will never ever understand. And there's no reason on God's green earth why you should have to heal or cope the way someone else thinks is the right way to do it. There's nothing wrong with not finding comfort where someone else does - or where they think you should. We're all different and we all cope and grieve and heal differently.<BR/><BR/>You're doing what's right for you and you <I>are</I> moving forward. Everyone who reads your blog can see it. And those of us who have been touched by this kind of loss also understand the need to sit in a dark barn and let the agony wash over you every now and then.<BR/><BR/>Feeling is good.msfitzitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17174138130763427353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8836584.post-1169647189962211302007-01-24T08:59:00.000-05:002007-01-24T08:59:00.000-05:00Do what you gotta do, hon, go at your own pace, in...Do what you gotta do, hon, go at your own pace, in your own way, screw what other people think.grumpyABDadjuncthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00996252815514179671noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8836584.post-1169631419870397482007-01-24T04:36:00.000-05:002007-01-24T04:36:00.000-05:00I have this poem on my fridge. Many have read it ...I have this poem on my fridge. Many have read it and I'm sure they think before they say something stupid.<BR/>Thought you might like a copy.<BR/>Hugs Brenda<BR/><BR/><BR/>THE GRIEVING PARENT<BR/><BR/>PLEASE - don't ask me if I'm over it yet. I'll never be "over it."<BR/><BR/>PLEASE - don't tell me they are in a better place. They are not here.<BR/><BR/>PLEASE - don't say "at least they are not suffering". I haven't come to terms with why they had to suffer at all.<BR/><BR/>PLEASE - don't say "well, you're lucky... they would have been born with a lot of problems." Would you love your own child any less if they had been born with problems?<BR/><BR/>PLEASE - don't tell me you know how I feel unless you have lost a child.<BR/><BR/>PLEASE - don't tell me to get on with my life. I'm still here, you'll notice.<BR/><BR/>PLEASE - don't ask me if I feel better. Bereavement isn't a condition that "clears up."<BR/><BR/>PLEASE - don't tell me that "God never makes a mistake" or it was God's will." You mean he did this on purpose?<BR/><BR/>PLEASE - don't tell me "at least you know you can get pregnant. "What year would you choose for your children to die?<BR/><BR/>PLEASE - don't tell me God never gives you more than you can bear. Who decides how much another person can bear?<BR/><BR/>PLEASE - Just say you are sorry.<BR/><BR/>PLEASE - Just say you remember them and our excitement if you do.<BR/><BR/>PLEASE - Just let me talk if I want to.<BR/><BR/>PLEA PLEASE - Just let me say their name without turning away or changing the subject.<BR/><BR/>PLEASE - let me cry when I must.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8836584.post-1169613732445510972007-01-23T23:42:00.000-05:002007-01-23T23:42:00.000-05:00G I know ' that cry ' well!It's the kind of cry th...G I know ' that cry ' well!<BR/>It's the kind of cry that is hysterical, loud, makes you feel out of control, its ugly, full of snot. Gives you a huge headache and then makes you feel so drained you think you could sleep for a week!<BR/><BR/>I have cried ' that cry' many times. And your right, unless you have cried ' that cry' you just don't understand.<BR/> <BR/>As for those ' funny' comments you talk about making. I know those as well. They are the comments that get you through the day. Get you through times where you have to be with people who just ' don't get it'.<BR/>I think its our way of making those around us more comfortable by letting them think we still have a sense of humor. When clearly we have nothing to joke (or even smile) about.<BR/><BR/>Yes we have our partners, out health, our friends ('IF' they are still around) and family. But we are missing our babies. And none of those other things makes up for that beautiful baby you should have had in your arms.<BR/><BR/>I truly feel for you. I feel sick for you. But most of all I think I understand you.<BR/><BR/>Hugs BrendaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8836584.post-1169600200919330742007-01-23T19:56:00.000-05:002007-01-23T19:56:00.000-05:00Let me ask you this, if you lost an arm or a leg, ...Let me ask you this, if you lost an arm or a leg, would you get over it? Every day you would see that limb gone. So would everyone else. You've lost two children and the enormity of it all is like a punch in the gut. Tears keep the pain from tearing your heart and soul apart. Will the grief lessen? no, it will dull. Will the pain lessen? no, it will dull. Will your loss diminish with time? Calling the death of two children, handsome little boys who should be cherished in life, not mourned in death, your loss is even insensitive. No one should group them together under one heading "Your Loss". They had names, personalities, potential... and, heartbreakingly, they are no longer living. They will never be gone. They will never diminish. They will live forever in your heart, and the hearts of your family. We will always miss them. We will always hold the "what ifs" dear to our hearts. We will always regret. But we cannot change the harsh reality of what is. Cry, my sweet baby, and know you do not cry alone. You are in my heart, you are in my thoughts, and so are Travis and Alex. I love them and I love you. MomRuneladyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12957378913102084080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8836584.post-1169590538719007122007-01-23T17:15:00.000-05:002007-01-23T17:15:00.000-05:00Do you think that person was laughing at you? I so...Do you think that person was laughing at you? I sounds like a moment when the discomfort of a bunch of insensitive twats caused someone to truly revel in the simple truth of what you said that made them shut the hell up. <BR/><BR/>As for the 'should'- Even the things that *you* think work for you can stop working in the face of such utter pain and loss. It seems the darkness and quiet might be the only place where it is possible to heal and if it is, then just do it. As if the burden of guilt is a necessary addition to the sadness and emptiness. You are allowed to be sad Catherine. In reality you cannot stay in the barn forever, but as long as the barn is there, use it. Until you are 97 years old and still missing your sons. ((((hugs))))Jillianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16390479974754816006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8836584.post-1169580289496893082007-01-23T14:24:00.000-05:002007-01-23T14:24:00.000-05:00The word "should" is one I use all the time, espec...The word "should" is one I use all the time, especially on myself...bad plan. "Should" always feels like a weight falling on my head. <BR/>Just a scenario: That person laughing out loud, that was another me, inappropriately laughing loudly, at the exact wrong time, but also laughing because I or my wife have had a dead baby or two, so I feel for you, but I don't have the guts to admit it out loud like you have.<BR/>Possible?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8836584.post-1169578026741967472007-01-23T13:47:00.000-05:002007-01-23T13:47:00.000-05:00Ummmm....i don't think anyone else can tell you wh...Ummmm....i don't think anyone else can tell you where to find comfort. That's something each individual has to discover for him/herself. People can tell try to tell you 'how' to feel better -- maybe they have found things that make them feel better when they were in pain. But just because it works for them doesn't mean it works for you. It is a very individual path, you need to find your own way. But we are here with you, trying to do what we can to support you.<BR/><BR/>And yeah, here i am nearly 4 years later (with only one dead baby so far, knock on wood) and i still can't tell you what 'move on' is supposed to mean. For all intents and purposes, i have 'moved on', at least in outward appearances. Then why am i still sitting blogging, why do i understand about the covering darkness of the cold barn?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8836584.post-1169577777679418722007-01-23T13:42:00.000-05:002007-01-23T13:42:00.000-05:00Oh catherine! I'm so distressed for you. I dont ha...Oh catherine! I'm so distressed for you. I dont have any advice, I'm sorry. Time is the only thing that will help maybe? I know my grandmother lost a few babies too and time seemed to be the only thing that helped but she never forgot her babies, and I guess she still cried by herself too but time seem to heal the pain somewhat. Probably a crap comment so I'll just give you a cyber HUG to make you feel better?!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8836584.post-1169577504136905122007-01-23T13:38:00.000-05:002007-01-23T13:38:00.000-05:00This post pretty much sums up what I have been fee...This post pretty much sums up what I have been feeling. I have just been unable to put into words. I understand where you are coming from.AJW5403https://www.blogger.com/profile/04226074790172704619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8836584.post-1169576023107256772007-01-23T13:13:00.000-05:002007-01-23T13:13:00.000-05:00I do hope you know that I care and truly do not kn...I do hope you know that I care and truly do not know how you have kept going after everything you have been through. I will come and kick the ass of anyone who has had the balls to tell you to "get over it". Have they been through it? How can anyone but you decide when the pain is going to lessen and the tears come less and less, if ever? <BR/>I don't want you crying in the cold, dark barn. I will be your shoulder to cry on and talk to and listen when you need to let it out. I so wish I was closer and we could get together. Please know that if you ever need me, just call. Email and I will give you my numbers. <BR/>Oh and your Christmas card that you sent me, got forwarded with my parent's mail to Mexico but arrived to me yesterday. ;) Well traveled card, maybe we need to make a trip too?Shinnyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11233585920183280455noreply@blogger.com