Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Six Months (:

Today marks 6 months since Cathy and I found out that our beautiful son Alex had died. I say found out because to the best of my recollection, no one would tell us that, they just made us assume, until we asked. The rest of the world has no idea what has happened to me, even those that are aware that Alex died still don't know the half of it, and have yet to say anything to me. The only way that I know that they know is because the director of my department sent a note to the department advising everyone that I was out because my son had died, and that they were not to mention it to me upon my return to work for fear of upsetting me. How nice of her to make things easy for them.

Tonight and tomorrow night I am going to meet with advisors from 2 local universities to explore the possibility of finishing up my quest for a bachelor's degree.

It's been six months now, and I still miss Alex and think about him hourly.


R said...

I'm sorry.
It is inexcusable to me that people who know you would pretend they didn't know. "I'm sorry" definitely doesn't make it better, but at least you know that they care.

Thinking of you today.

MB said...

Thinking of you.

Julie said...

I think sometimes people assume that men don't have feelings or don't want to show them. Even though I guess they were trying to spare your feelings, it doesn't make it go away, and that's not fair to you for it to be ignored. I'm glad you can get your thoughts out during such hard times.
Thinking of all of you.

kate said...

Thinking of you all today...((((((hugs))))))

Anam Cara said...

I found that soooo difficult, when people didn't say anything at all.
Just pretending like nothing happened is inexcusable. It made me so angry. Your boss needs a few lessons in dealing with people. Sorry she dealt with it that way, and I'm sorry most of your co-workers listened to her. Good luck on your quest re finishing your bachelors degree. Thinking of you all today. (((hugs)))

Jill said...

It is a shame you work with fools. I am so sorry for the pain you have had to endure in secret.

Good luck with your bchelor's degree - if it gets you away from theset of Einsteins you are currently working with it'll be worth it!

Lorem ipsum said...

I think your department head erred on the side of caution - figuring that not saying anything would save you from stupid comments. Unfortunately, she also deprived you of the chance to have some truly compassionate people on your side. What was she going to do, write them up?

People never know. We look ordinary enough, but inside our hearts are broken. And it's often good that people can't see, because so many of them are too willing to take advantage of our pain. But thank you for sharing your story and your lives, Stephen and Catherine. Even though Alex lost a great set of parents to grow up with and you lost the opportunity to have that privilege, so many other people have been comforted by your honesty and so all is not lost.


deadbabymama said...

Thanks for sharing that with us. Maybe when you feel stronger you can write a polite letter to your dept head explaining what she might do differently next time.

By all means go back to school! But as a lifer I would say that.

Sherry said...

I am so sorry your co-workers are being so insensitive. I agree that maybe at some point you could tell your boss how to handle this type of situation differently if someone else who ever works for her loses a loved one, especially a child.

Good luck on finishing up your degree!

Holley said...

I'm sorry too. For Alex's death and people's basic inability to handle it in a way that supports you.

Perhaps it's too big. That is what someone told me about why they weren't supportive of me when I had several family deaths in a row.

Doesn't excuse the behavior.

Good luck with school.

gabesmama said...

Dear Stephen,

I'm sorry. I know that Alex has been with you on each day of this journey. He loves you. I'm sorry he isn't hear to show you.